| “But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places…” These past few weeks have felt like a time of continuous adjustment and even loss. Many people have had long awaited trips and special events canceled. Even weddings are being pared down to just a few family members attending. During spring break, I usually fly to NY to see my Mom, but that for sure wasn’t happening. Instead, I started looking forward to skiing as much as possible– there’s still lots of snow up in the mountains, and it should be great. Then the ski areas shut down. OK then, I’ll have plenty of time to quilt with my friend– it’s just the two of us, so we’re definitely under the 50 people gathering restriction. However, her kids came home early from Europe, and the household is now in quarantine. This is getting ridiculous! Every adjustment I make gets squelched, and my options become smaller and smaller. Here I am now at home, with a daily walk outside as my main event of the day. This whole process has made me reflect on the desire in me to fill up my free time with activities. While there is nothing wrong with that, and it is even healthy, the emptiness and disappointment I experienced the first few days of “self-isolating” caused me to pay attention to what was going on within me. What is this tendency in me to fill up the space rather than hold open space? Why am I seeing the narrowing of my experience in isolation as something negative? At the same time, I was sensing an almost imperceptible stirring deep down in me which felt almost hopeful. It felt as if I were being drawn to the very experience which seemed so negative. When I think about Jesus’ way, I realize that he actually sought out the isolated, lonely place. He moved toward open, empty spaces as a place of refreshment. Luke 5:16 says, “But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” It’s intriguing to me that even though I have regularly known time apart to be nourishing, and I even encourage others in the practice, I still experienced a resistance to “self isolation”. What is this resistance all about? Perhaps there is a deeper perspective adjustment that needs to happen in me. Could I begin to think of “self isolation” less in terms of loneliness and emptiness, and more in terms of being full of something that I haven’t discovered yet, a place of unseen presence, even possibility? Henri Nouwen describes this perspective shift as a move from “loneliness to solitude”. He says: To live a spiritual life, we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of our loneliness and to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude. The movement from loneliness to solitude…is the movement from the restless senses to the restful spirit, from the outward reaching cravings to the restful inward-reaching search, from the fearful clinging to the fearless play. I wonder what my own “gentle, persistent” practices which facilitate garden-growth in my desert might look like? Could that hopeful longing I sensed be the promise of a “restful inward-reaching search” for a life closer in line with Jesus’ way? Reflection & Practice: What has it been like for you to be “required” to “self isolate”? What do you notice yourself doing in response to this directive from the government? What feelings does it bring up in you? Are you experiencing a shift of thinking around “isolation” as you consider Jesus’ way of life? Spend some time with Henri Nouwen’s words. What stands out to you? What do they stir up in you? Is there some restlessness, craving or clinging coming to the surface as you consider your life at this time? Ask God for a “gentle, persistent” practice that will plant seeds for growth and life in this time of world crisis. How could that practice be incorporated into your life in this season? |
Ancient Streams 